Today I passed a Benefit-Poo... the Poo you do when pooing only once every three days because of a lack of food in the cupboard. (Artistic-hazaard)
The Benefit-Poo begins with the usual urgency of a Delayed-Poo (which is the Poo you keep putting off because you're having too much fun doing something else) – But
with the Benefit-Poo, the urgency heightens to the utmost degree as Yesterday's-Yesterday's-Yesterday's-Poo begins moving towards the expulsion chamber. You take a deep breath and push, Oh God that it would be this easy every time! ...instant blissful release... what a rush!!
However, the initial delight of such rapid release is quickly over-shadowed by something completely different. Boy these Poos can really catch ya out, You forget about the After-Backward-Suction-Updraft Effect
You have to take another breath and as the last breath was so big, and so, so is the next one... and you take this breath thinking you are just taking a breath but it becomes a real lung-filler and at the point when your lungs are at their most fullest... it happens...
Yesterday's-Yesterday-Poo... that had been dragged into the Chamber by the rapid expulsion of Yesterday's-Yesterday's-Yesterday's-Poo... And, Pushed from above by Yesterday's-Poo, not to mention the farts of today and we haven't even started on what happened to the Poo that was supposed to be Today's-Poo...
It all presses hard onto the right side of your rectum, or so you think...
And I thought I was perfectly postured to easily get it, or so I thought...
I held my breath, shut-off the intake-valve and gave a good shove,
But before I knew it I was straining to pass something way before it's time and, Tomorrow's-Poo today is no where near as pleasing as Yesterday's-Poo today...”
Still holding breath... somewhere in back of mind I thought I remembered being here before...
A lump rose in my throat... oh no! Please, not the Shit-of-a-Thousand-Wipes... I was still holding my breath; pushing; committed to the task; no turning back...
And fortunately for me all this straining on the one-held-breath had burned up some oxygen and there was room to take another tiny breath...
I gulped in a top up and pushed for all it was worth. I couldn't see what was going on down there but I was curtain I had achieved maximum stretch, you know, the head is out, the rest will follow – if I could just maintain the pressure, and resist the growing urge to clench.
Without passing out...
Still holding breath...
I pushed and pushed. Managed another gulp of air... repositioned to straighten the expulsion chamber, engaged every muscle group... and...
Unfortunately I took even another mouthful of air and on my final push, all of today's, tomorrow's and tomorrow's-tomorrow's-farts escaped at once.
Bummer! That was my leverage for Tomorrow's-Poo and now I'll have to wait another three days for the build-up.
You'll be pleased to hear that Yesterday's-Yesterday's-Poo sucked back cleanly and contrary to my earlier concerns – there was nothing of great consequence in the clean-up.
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